Here are 5 things you should know about my relationship with Seinfeld:

1) There was a 3-year span from 2006 to 2009 where I watched at least one episode of Seinfeld every day.  I brought every DVD with me to Colgate in a big black binder (along with the episode guide inserts) and uploaded a rotation of episodes to my first iPhone.  We consistently had 10+ episodes on DVR, and my freshman year the Andrews 206 TV would consistently rotate between Feld, the Golf Channel, and 1 vs. 100 each day at lunch while we ate our buffalo chicken sandwiches from the Coop.  I missed an episode at some point senior year, but I’d wager I still get in 0.8 episodes daily.

2) I watched my first episode in 3rd grade while visiting Telluride, Colorado.  My parents and I were planning on going to bed, but after a brief discussion, they agreed I could stay up and watch “The Stall” with them.   It was a mistake, as I soon digressed into a troubled youth, stealing and hoarding excessive rolls of toilet paper from my elementary school restroom into my cubby.  When the teacher approached me asking for the single-ply sandpaper back, I solemnly shook my head and whispered to Ms. Bart that “I [didn’t] have a square to spare.”*

*I may or may not be an unreliable narrator at times

3) Since 2009, Evan Lorey has only referred to me as Jerry.  I am not Mark, DJ Newmark, Terry Richardson, Chase Bradley, Obama, Elvis, or Dylan to Evan.  I am Jerry.

4) Since moving to NYC, I have kept a WWJD business card in my wallet.  It’s been an interesting four years, as what Jerry does isn’t always in everyone’s best interest

5) I cried at the end of the finale, but immediately stopped when I became sickened by the song selection chosen for the sign-off.

So let’s begin…

 

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Jerry – Larry – the gang – I’m sorry.  This is so long overdue.  Although you’ve been in my mind and on my screens for close to two decades now, I’ve never taken the time to express in words what you mean to me.  The time has finally come.

Although I subscribe to daily Google Alerts for you, I admit that more often than not they are given a swift swipe away.  “We’ll reconnect this evening,” I think to myself.  So it wasn’t until I was tipped off by a friend about the Top 25 episodes airing on TBS in the next couple of weeks that I decided the time is right to publicly declare my unbridled, never-curbed enthusiasm for all you’ve given me over the years.  And what better way to do this than to reflect on a few of my own favorite episodes?

Sure, I’ve always had a mental list of my favorites (and scenes, and quotes, and characters, and settings, and NYC stock footage, and VHS tapes on Jerry’s shelf, etc.), but it’s not so simple.  There is no true “best” with Feld – for Feld is an entity unto its own; it must be taken as a whole to be truly understood on an existential level.

And yet…it is also a show about nothing; it is a show of four unapologetically self-centered neurotic fools living semi-successful lives.  And to that I say what the hell –  I suppose we can play favorites to a few.

As such, for the next couple of weeks I plan to provide my own list of Top 5 Seinfeld episodes.

With one caveat, however.  You see, when someone asks me my favorite Seinfeld episode, I can never reply with just one.  This is not because I believe there are too many equally brilliant episodes, but it is because I think Seinfeld first must be viewed through three distinct lenses – one for each of its three unofficial eras.  Today I will define the first era and leave you with my favorites from the time period.  Later this week and next, I will move forward with the following two eras and discuss the best from each of those as well.

And we’re off.

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Era 1 – The Early Years (Seasons 1-3):

Marked by Jerry’s poor acting and constant breaking of character from Jerry to Jerry, George’s hair and employment, Kramer’s (moreso) serial killer demeanor, Elaine’s Paul Ruddish capability of already knowing she’s going to look the same as Selena in ‘14 as she did as Benes in ’89, and weak ratings, The Early Years still have many moments of pure gold.

Some of my Early Years runner-ups include:

• The Library (Philip Baker Hall as Lt. Bookman, Library Cop)
• The Stranded (“Maybe the dingo ate your baby.”)
• The Pony Remark (“These peas are bursting with country fresh flavor!”)
• The Jacket (Lawrence Tierney as Alton Benes – The origination of “Pendant? Those bastards!”)
• The Heart Attack (the scene with the holistic healer is one of the greatest Seinfeld scenes of all-time – “I love crampbark!”)
• The Statue (an early display of Michael Richard’s intensity and talent as a physical comedian)

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The Best of Era 1: “The Stake Out”

While each of the above episodes is great in their own accord, something about “The Stake Out” sticks with me.

“The Stake Out” was actually the second episode of the show which ever aired, although it was the fifth episode actually filmed/produced.  It encapsulates so much of what the show became and features a similar tone of humor as the rest of the series, but of course, a little less crisp than the flow the series eventually took on.

As a two sentence reminder, this is the episode where, after a brief encounter with a new love interest, Jerry is left with only the individual’s lawfirm (Simon-Bennett-Robbins-Oppenheim-Taft) as a clue to their identify.  He then “stakes out” the office with George to intentionally have a “chance” encounter with the woman.

We get the rare glimpse of jealousy between Jerry and Elaine, as they’re just off the break-up, and we even learn why it didn’t work out between them (“Well, we fight a lot for some reason…and there was a little problem with the physical chemistry…).  This episode also seems to analyze relationships at a much more realistic level than later on in the show.  We watch as Jerry has a very standard open discussion with his parents about his relationship difficulties, and the conversation between Jerry and Vanessa about who the potentially-significant-others were who accompanied them at the party feels like textbook early in the game banter.  In fact, I believe she ends up being the only woman appearing in consecutive episodes as Jerry’s companion.

What I love most about this episode and the stakeout plan itself is that it actually works.  Every time I watch this and hear Jerry say to his father that it “really isn’t that bad of an idea,” I can’t help but think the same.  It’s really not that different than taking a certain middle school elective due to your love interest in someone, and I see it as far less creepy than stalking someone on social media today (although that would likely be the Modern Seinfeld equivalent today).  In fact, Vanessa likely knows exactly what’s going on, but it’s OK.  The scene and show are summarized perfectly as Jerry asks if she dates immature men (“Almost exclusively.”).

I’m also not sure many casual fans realize the birth of Art Vandleay occurred so early on in the series (the quick progression of Bert Harbinson to Art Corr to Art Corvelay to George mistakenly saying Vandelay is a clip that feels like it could be from any year of the show).

And one last random note on my love for “The Stake Out”.  My favorite bit within this episode is Elaine’s description of her dream involving Jerry and his wooden teeth.  I think this beats out Jerry’s own dream description later on in “The Van Buren Boys” (“I had a dream a hamburger was eating me!”).

So thus marks the start of the Seinfeld series, and really the blog itself.  Tune in later this week for more on The Golden Age (Seasons 4-6), The Cartoon Years (Seasons 7-9), and other bits of potentially fantastic, seemingly trivial Seinfeld matters, fittingly here at NewMark New York.